


medicine

by nefariousness



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Depression, Just angst, M/M, What Have I Done, im sorry, mentions of pills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-20
Updated: 2017-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-31 23:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12143010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefariousness/pseuds/nefariousness
Summary: daniel keeps seeing seongwoo even when he is not supposed to.





	medicine

**Author's Note:**

> when i saw this prompt super sad ongniel au (https://pd101s2prompts.tumblr.com/post/165302543236/super-duper-sad-ongniel-au-where-daniel-takes-ong) on tumblr, i just know i have to write it somehow (i regret it). i hope you enjoy (or not) though ... leave me some comments <3 or hit me up on twitter @nyelness

Kang Daniel took a look around the room once again, smiling happily to himself since he knew he picked a good restaurant for their third anniversary – the restaurant is nothing but fancy, with a violinist playing the soft classical music as their background song, a nice glass of wine for each of them and a bouquet of Carnations that Daniel already bought earlier was placed on the table. 

It was supposed to be perfect, but Daniel frowned at the sight of the older male looking at him back with a bitter smile. “What is it, hyung?” Daniel asked softly as he tried to reach Seongwoo’s hand. “Daniel,” Seongwoo called out and Daniel has never felt better than hearing his name coming out from the latter.

“I am not supposed to be here.”

 

\---

 

Yoon Jisung first noticed that Daniel was going out a lot, sometimes he asked for Jisung’s recommendation for the best place to eat or the other times he just searched for it on some websites. Jisung at first thought that it was Daniel’s way to deal with everything that was happening – he thought maybe that if Daniel went out a lot, he would eventually let it go. 

Jisung was never more wrong than that.

One day he caught Daniel was busy smiling excitedly on one coffee shop near their office building, two cups of coffee on the table and an untouched piece of red velvet cake on the other side of the table.  _ Oh _ , Jisung knew whom it supposed belong to, Daniel couldn’t shut up for one second when he found out that it was Ong Seongwoo’s favorite cake when they just started dating. 

“Daniel, what are you doing?” Jisung questioned as soon as he came closer to the younger. “Oh, Jisung hyung, fancy meeting you in this kind of overpriced coffee shop.” Daniel chuckled. “I am meeting Seongwoo hyung,” Daniel then added as his eyes formed into a crescent. “Daniel, Seongwoo’s not here,” Jisung muttered as he took as seat in front of Daniel.

“Nonsense, hyung, he was just going to the bathroom, he supposed to be back here in any second, now,  _ shoo _ , that’s Seongwoo hyung’s seat.” Daniel chuckled again and Jisung didn’t have a heart to tell him that Seongwoo is not coming, so Jisung smiled along with the younger. “Alright, have you both been here since lunch?” Jisung asked.

“Yeah, we have talked about our day, I told him about how awesome Jihoon’s presentation was this morning, and Seongwoo hyung said that he wanted to see it when we are home,” Daniel said, his smile never left his face. “You see him at home too?” Jisung tried not to stutter, but he ended up feeling like shit and he thought he could shed a tear in any second. “Of course, Jisung hyung, he’s my husband, we live together,”.

 

\---

 

Jisung thought he should really do something about Daniel’s situation when Seongwoo’s friend, Hwang Minhyun, wanted to meet him that afternoon. “Daniel, he’s okay?” Minhyun asked first thing first when they were seating at the restaurant. “He is holding up pretty well, I guess?” Jisung answered hesitantly. “Look, Jisung, I know it’s been hard for him but, can you please tell him to stop calling Seongwoo’s office number?” Minhyun blurted out with a sad smile.

“He’s doing what now?” Jisung raised his eyebrow. “You are talking like this isn’t the first unusual thing Daniel did,” Minhyun replied. “It was not, last week, I-I,” Jisung paused for a second as his heart suddenly shrunk. “He was talking to himself in the coffee shop, a piece of red velvet cake was placed in front of him and when I asked him what he was doing he said that he was meeting Seongwoo,” Jisung explained afterward.

“Oh my goodness.” Minhyun let out a sigh. “I will tell him to stop calling, must’ve been scary for the new person who owns Seongwoo’s room,” Jisung replied. “No, I actually volunteered myself to move to his room, I was just worried about Daniel’s condition, he keeps calling and told me to eat and that he will be waiting at home, to have a good day, it’s heartbreaking,” Minhyun added. 

“It’s hard for the rest of us too, Seongwoo is a really good friend, sometimes I forgot that he is not around any longer because Daniel keeps leaving voice notes as if he was still here,” Minhyun continued. “I know, I just don’t know what to do, he’s overall fine, he was still smiling and looking happy like he always does.” Jisung sighed.

“Jisung, I think we need to do something about this,”.

 

\---

 

“Hey, hyung,” Daniel called when he spotted Seongwoo on the couch, smiling at the sight of him. “Hey, Niel,” Seongwoo replied as he patted the spot next to him, signaling Daniel to come to his arm – and Daniel did. “How’s your day?” Seongwoo asked as he carefully stroked the younger’s hair the way he knows will comfort Daniel after his long day at the office.

“Sucks, because Jisung hyung and Minhyun hyung made me go see a doctor earlier when I’m perfectly fine.” Daniel frowned but softened afterward when he heard Seongwoo let out a small chuckle. “I’m sure they have their own reason, you must be looking quite ugly these days that they thought you were sick,” Seongwoo replied as Daniel let out a whine. 

“Hyung, do you want to know what the doctor said?” Daniel said as he pulled away suddenly to look Seongwoo on his eyes. “What is it?” Seongwoo was still smiling at him – the soft smile that Daniel loves the most, the same smile when they were both saying their vow, the same smile when Daniel first asked Seongwoo out. 

“He said that if I see you again, I should tell you that you should go.” Daniel’s voice broke, but Seongwoo’s smile stayed. “He is right, I told you I shouldn’t be here, Daniel, you shouldn’t be seeing me anymore,” Seongwoo replied calmly. “But hyung, I can’t do that, how am I supposed to live without seeing you?” Daniel frowned deeply when Seongwoo caressed his cheek.

“Daniel, you are going to be fine, trust me, you are fine before you met me, you will be too now, you will even be happier,” Seongwoo said. “That’s a lot of nonsense you were saying right there, hyung, I feel the happiest when you were with me,” Daniel stated. “Me too, you know that I never felt happier than when we got together but don’t you think it’s time for me to go?” Seongwoo replied.

Daniel didn’t reply Seongwoo afterward, he was only staring at the older male with a genuine confusion as Seongwoo was still smiling at him. “Why are you so happy about being separated with me, hyung?” Daniel asked. “Because, I want you to be happy too, Daniel, with me or without me.” Seongwoo patted Daniel’s head once again.

“Because I am already in a happy place right now, and I don’t want to be happy alone,”.

 

\---

 

Daniel launched himself on the couch after a long tiring Sunday - he has spent most of his day at the clinic, meeting his therapist. Daniel insisted that he doesn't need to meet doctor anymore, but Jisung said it is for the best to follow the procedure until the end, just in case. 

It has been three weeks since he attended the first session, and it has been three weeks since he last seen Seongwoo, which means three hellish weeks for Daniel to live. Daniel then decided was too much for him to stay at the place that have so much memories, so he decided to leave his house again.

Daniel was walking aimlessly, but nonetheless he ended up at the ramen shop that Seongwoo likes to take him in the middle of the night when they were both too hungry for their own good. "We haven't been here for quite some time, have we?".

Daniel recognized that voice everywhere, the same soft tone that used to lull him into dreamland, the same gentle voice that calm his mind in a heartbeat. "Seongwoo hyung." It almost came out like a soft whine, when Daniel looked at Seongwoo with a deep frown and his puppy doe eyes. 

"Hey, Niel." Seongwoo was smiling at Daniel, it was the smile that have been haunting the younger most of the times. "How was the doctor's appointment going?" Seongwoo asked nonetheless, fixing his gaze on Daniel. "It was great, it's going really well, I paid a lot for it though, why did I agree to Jisung hyung and Minhyun hyung again?" Daniel chuckled bitterly. 

"No, Daniel, you won't be seeing or having a conversation with me if the sessions have been going well." Seongwoo mirrored the sad smile Daniel had plastered on his face. "I don't care about the sessions, hyung, I care about meeting you," Daniel stated. "I know, I care about you too, so much, Daniel, and Jisung hyung and Minhyun hyung too, that's why you need to see the doctor diligently, hm?" Seongwoo said as he reached Daniel's hand. 

"Hyung, why can't I just be with you? I feel so much better when I see you everytime," Daniel retorted. “Because we both know we don’t belong in the same place anymore, Daniel,” Seongwoo said as he gently stroked the back of Daniel’s hand. “We belong everywhere together, hyung.” Daniel let out a soft mutter. “That is not the case anymore.” The older sighed.

“Hey, don’t be sad, Niel, you can’t be sad again, okay? How about I’ll stay for tonight, until you finish your ramen? It’s getting cold by the way.” Seongwoo smiled to the latter, hoping that it will cheer him up even just a little bit. “Can’t you just stay forever?” Daniel exhaled deeply. “Forever is not ours anymore, at least not in this one lifetime, I have to go,” Seongwoo replied as he held Daniel’s hand.

“Why are you always leaving me, hyung?” Daniel wanted to cry, he just wanted to let out all of his tears and sadness into Seongwoo’s warm embrace, he just wanted Seongwoo to lull him into sleep and telling him everything is going to be fine, but no, Seongwoo doesn’t do any of that any longer, Seongwoo is always leaving now at the end of the day and Daniel hates it, every single second of it.

“Daniel, I’m not leaving you,” Seongwoo said. “It’s never about me being gone every day, it’s never about me not being able to greet you when you are home from work, it’s not about me not waking up next to you, it’s never really about me, Daniel.” Seongwoo’s voice cracked a little bit at the end. 

“It’s about you, that keeping me here,”

 

\---

 

Daniel woke up at the hospital bed as the sunlight blinding his vision and the sound from the machine next to him really bothered him along with the smell of hospital, goodness, Daniel really hates hospital. “Why did you do that?” Daniel greeted by the voice he loves so much, but Seongwoo’s face was rather painted with disappointment and worries. Daniel has forgotten when did the last time he had seen Seongwoo, with all the medicine he have to consume.

“You are a bad guy, hyung,” Daniel huffed nonchalantly when Seongwoo placed himself beside Daniel’s bed and took a seat before he slowly caressed the younger’s hand. “Don’t do that again,” Seongwoo said sternly, eyes locked with Daniel’s one. “I-I just thought, I really wanted to see you, it’s been weeks, months? I don’t know anymore, I just really trying to figure out the way to be with you,” Daniel blurted out, he was in the verge of tears when Seongwoo hugged him immediately.

It was always the calmest being inside Seongwoo’s arm, it’s like the older have his own spell to make Daniel feels better in that instant, Daniel misses it so much. “Promise me, you won’t do that again, hm?” Seongwoo repeated. “Hyung, I don’t think I can take it anymore, the doctor said that I have been improving so well that I never see you anymore, I was devastated, how is that a good news for them?” Daniel said as he clung so hard to Seongwoo’s sleeves.

“I tried to call your name, you didn’t show up, so maybe - maybe if I did this, if I swallowed all of those medicine, you will take a pity on me and visit me? You did,” Daniel muttered. “No, Daniel, this is not the way, you have to listen to me for this one okay? Do not repeat any of this again? I won’t be seeing you,” Seongwoo said as he looked straightly into the younger’s eyes, showing that he was a hundred percent serious. 

“But, but, -.” “I’ll stay for today, hm?” Seongwoo said as he pulled Daniel into his embrace again, softly stroking his hair. “Just today isn’t enough,” Daniel whined as he buried his head on Seongwoo’s chest, which caused the older to let out a soft chuckle. “Ah, I miss you,” Seongwoo remarked, which made Daniel smiled. “I miss you too, hyung,” Daniel replied almost immediately, he genuinely miss Seongwoo, his antic, his gag, his terrible cooking, his caring side, his lame jokes, his smile, the three moles on his cheek, his breathtaking self - Daniel miss everything about Seongwoo.

They stayed on the position for a good hour, mostly filled with Seongwoo tried to cheer Daniel up when he whined about how the hospital made him wanted to puke, or just Daniel’s rant about his daily life, just like they usually do and for a moment Daniel thought it was going to be okay again, having Seongwoo automatically made everything better for Daniel - In this life, Kang Daniel only needs Ong Seongwoo.

“Hey, I’m going to the toilet, is that okay?” Seongwoo suddenly announced as he got up from the side of the bed which caused Daniel to whined at the loss. “You’ll be back soon, right?” Daniel said as Seongwoo replied with a smile before leaving Daniel inside the room alone.

It didn’t take long before Daniel heard someone opened the door once again, as his eyes beamed but immediately fell when he saw Jisung instead. “Hey, Niel, you are awake,” Jisung said in delight. “Yeah, it’s been a couple hours.” Daniel smiled back, he just hopes that Jisung didn’t notice anything. “Great, have you meet the doctor?” Jisung asked as Daniel shook his head. 

“Do you want me to get the doctor?” Jisung asked again but Daniel shook his head, again too. “Okay, if you said so,” Jisung smiled at him. “Minhyun is coming, by the way, he will bring foods, your favorite pasta,” Jisung added as he placed himself to the chair next to the bed. Daniel wanted to say that the seat was already taken but he keep that to himself,  _ Jisung hyung will move when Seongwoo came back _ .

Minhyun came thirty minutes later, along with Jonghyun and Dongho. Soon, even Jihoon and Daehwi came to visit with Jinyoung too. When the sky got darker, Jaehwan paid him a visit too with his guitar and insisted to sang Daniel a song for him so he can get well soon. Everyone came by, and promised to come back tomorrow if Daniel ever needed a company. 

But Ong Seongwoo never came back.

 

\---

 

“We have talked about this, I thought you are doing well already, why are you still doing this?” Jisung raised his voice at Daniel when the latter was busy suiting himself up. “Hyung, an anniversary is still an anniversary,” Daniel exclaimed. “Daniel,” Jisung called out and Minhyun just have to hold Jisung for snapping at the younger. “Hyung, I know you don’t like it everytime I see Seongwoo hyung, but it’s been months, I have been taking all the stupid pills and attend every therapy sessions, why can’t I see him on our third year anniversary?” Daniel retorted. 

“Because Seongwoo is dead, Daniel.” Jisung broke down all of the sudden afterward and Minhyun thought that his heart has fell again when Jisung said that sentence. “I know it’s hard for you, even we are struggling with the loss, I know you have been struggling even more, but this have to stop,” Jisung stated. “Seongwoo is not here anymore, Daniel, you even attended his funeral,” Jisung continued, trying his best to stay calm.

Daniel stayed still on his position, he knew all of that, he know that Jisung was only telling him the truth, that Seongwoo is not there with him any longer, that Seongwoo is not there to hold him anymore, that Seongwoo is not there to share his happiness and pain with Daniel anymore, that Seongwoo is gone forever, that no matter how long he hold on into the older, Seongwoo is still dead.

So, Daniel ran away from his apartment, the home he had shared with Seongwoo for years now since they were married. Daniel, for that night wanted to run away from all the facts, from all the agony, from all the suffering that he has been facing alone. Jisung and Minhyun did not understand, for Daniel, seeing Seongwoo for a second is enough, so why can’t he meet the older on their supposed-to-be anniversary?

Daniel realized that if he keep making excuses to see Seongwoo, then wouldn’t everything will be so useless? All those wasted time, effort and money for all the doctor’s appointment and pills? All those medicine that have made him feel lifeless, at that point, Daniel was pretty sure that his heart has died along with Seongwoo. Daniel has forgot how to be happy, how to live life properly. 

When Daniel took a look around the room once again, he smiled happily to himself since he knew he picked a good restaurant for their third anniversary – the restaurant is nothing but fancy, with a violinist playing the soft classical music as their background song, a nice glass of wine for each of them and a bouquet of Carnations that Daniel already bought earlier was placed on the table. 

It was perfect,  Daniel only have to wait for Seongwoo’s arrival at this point. It was about ten minutes later, Seongwoo finally showed up and Daniel have never been that happy for those past few months, Daniel thought he could cry immediately in happiness. “It’s been so long, _ too _ long, hyung,” Daniel let out a broken mutter. “Yeah? It means you have been doing good.” Seongwoo was smiling at him but his smile immediately fade away a couple second later. 

“What is it, hyung?” Daniel asked softly as he tried to reach Seongwoo’s hand. “Daniel,” Seongwoo called out and Daniel has never felt better than hearing his name coming out from the latter. “I am not supposed to be here then,” Seongwoo let out a deep sigh. “You have been doing so well, you cannot waste all those treatment,” Seongwoo pointed out. “I know, I know,” Daniel shook his head and lowered it.  

Seongwoo was never fond of seeing Daniel sad, and he had never seen Daniel more broken than at that point so he smiled as he lifted Daniel’s chin from across the table. “Hey, but I’m here now,” Seongwoo said and Daniel immediately beamed. “Happy third anniversary, Daniel, I love you, so much,” Seongwoo said with his widest smile he could offer. 

“I’m sorry that I made you sad for all those months, I’m sorry that I left you alone, I’m sorry I didn’t keep my promise, everything, I’m just so sorry that you have to suffer alone, I’m sorry that I can’t be there with you when the first snow fell or when the first flower blooms in spring, just like my vow, I’m also sorry I couldn’t keep that either, but you have to promise me, you have to keep doing well, okay?” Seongwoo said at the end.

When Daniel didn’t answer, Seongwoo immediately kissed the palm of Daniel’s hand again, specifically on their wedding ring that was still wrapped nicely on Daniel’s finger. “It’s our anniversary,” Seongwoo stated. “Can I stay here for tonight?” Seongwoo asked afterward, still with his signature soft smile. 

Daniel knew immediately that that was it, the time where Daniel knew that everything that he had done for the sake of moving on will be thrown out of the window, all his efforts to stay sane after all the sleepless night will crumble to the ground in just a second - Daniel doesn’t care any longer, as long as Seongwoo stays, Seongwoo will be his best  medicine.

 

“Of course, hyung,”.

**Author's Note:**

> i might have thought about a n additional chapter .. who's with me? :) hit me up on twitter @nyelness


End file.
